Wednesday, August 18, 2010

He Said, She Said...

I am part of a mother's group here in the bay area and usually receive daily emails about events in town, updates about playgroups, people selling used baby gear,  an occasional rant...ect. Well today I received a juicy little rant that I thought would be PERFECT to share anonymously on my blog just to start a discussion about the age old question geared towards all the stay at home moms and working dads/husbands. This clearly frustrated mommy writes:

"I was wondering what your husbands do around the house.  Do they ever wash a dish? Do a chore? Laundry? Anything?
Call me crazy, but I think my husband should be able to do something.  He thinks it is ALL my responsibility.
Trying to get some input..."

What do you think mamas? What about you husbands? Any husbands got something to say about this?
Leave your comments below. THIS will be GOOD! :) 


  1. Most nights, my hubby comes home to dinner ready and a homely looking housewife but an adorable baby. :)
    He takes out the trash if necessary, takes our son to the park while I clean up dishes, and helps with the bath and story time.
    On the weekends he does the yard work if necessary...that's about it and I'm very happy with it! :)

  2. Of course it is your responsibility. Do we ask for your help with work projects when you visit us at our offices? Do you have to clean a place to sit when you come to our offices? Do you ever come to my office? As working men, we spend most of our lives at a job away from our home and family. We spend a majority of our existence with people whom we wouldn’t normally be friends. We have to put up with their crap, smile and make small talk when we pass in the hallway, and accept the negative or disrespecting attitudes that we receive at work from these individuals that we never chose or asked into our personal cubicle space. We have to share meals, refrigerator space, and toilet seats with these individuals. Meanwhile, you have a home to yourself. If you are feeling cramped in your 2,000 square foot homes, then you take a leisurely walk around the neighborhood; perhaps to the grassy green park. If it is too sunny, or the fresh air is too brisk, then you choose to grocery store or mall for a visit. You may meet up with a friend or call a family member to meet with you for lunch. Or casually chat as your child takes a nap. You spend time reading, emailing, or watching mindless TV while your mind ponders things that really matter in life: your child’s education, what we will do this weekend, or planning upcoming social events. You search the vast kitchen cabinets for snacks, the stainless fridge for food, then call us to stop at the local take out for dinner because you have already snacked on all the gourmet options stocked in the home all day. Why would we want take out… That’s all we get.
    I could continue this rant, but as you can see by the time stamp on this comment, I have already been at work for 9.5 hours and have another .5 to look forward to with a .75 hour commute to get home. I have a client calling and asking for 2 reports that are due, a boss asking me to update the budget projection, 4 co-workers needing assistance, lunch that I never finished sitting near my keyboard, a cramp in my leg from sitting to long, and a wife that won’t stop calling me for flippin take out. Not to mention I’ve been holding a s&*T for the last 3.5 hours.
    When I get home I don’t expect to be handed a 2 year old with a warm diaper because you haven’t had the time to change her or teach her to use the freaken’ toilet. I realize that you just spent that last hour trying to accomplish something so that I will think that you have been busy all day. “Empty the dishwasher? Do a chore? Laundry? Anything?” You really think we haven’t been doing anything? The first thing I do when I come in from all the above is give you a smile. Let you know that everything is okay. I play with our daughter, sit on the toilet (ahh finally some rest), get some food, bring you your water, and pay your cell phone bill (duh, I see all the text messages and calls). When 8:30 rolls in and I finally sit on the couch. Please, don’t ask me to get up and clean up the mess in your workspace. I’m going to need some time to recoup before the sex you are going to get before bed.

  3. It is a SAHM's responsibility to provide a warm and loving environment for her husband to come home. He does not go on vacation when he leaves the front door in the morning. When my husband comes home I try to give hime some "free time" to sit down and relax before I start the update of our son's day. In kind, after his break he often takes over bath time for our son or assists me in the kitchen. It is important to remember that he has been working all day around people he may or may not like, doing something he may or may not like to provide us with a life where I can stay at home and care for our son and home. So, to answer the question... He slays the beasts outside the home and I try and slay the beasts inside and if he can accept that everything in the house won't always be perfect then it will all be ok.

  4. Wow, maybe I am just lucky, but my husband does so much around the house. Basically, he is in charge of emptying the trash, cleaning the bathtub (I can't reach into it when I'm pregnant), mowing the lawn/edging, and he always does pretty much whatever else I ask. I clean the house, make dinner, do most of the dishes, do the laundry, do all the shopping, run the majority of the errands, weed the gardens, and take care of the kids. I think we have a pretty even trade. My husband agrees. Of course, he could be lying, but I don't think so.
    In my opinion, asking a husband to help around the house is different than asking a wife to help around the office if she goes to visit. Both people LIVE in the house. I tell my kids that everyone who lives in a house helps take care of it, and I'm grateful that my husband supports me in that thinking and pitches in however I ask him to.

  5. Maybe some housewives spend their days sipping Starbucks, zipping off to Zumba or their weekly mani/pedi or designer clothes shopping, lunching with friends while their kids are with nannies or in daycare, and complain their husbands don't pull their weight around the house.
    But most of the SAHMs I know put in 14-16 hr. days. It starts at the crack of dawn, getting lunch ready for kid A and cleaning up the toy tornado that hit the house the day before. Kid B has stomach flu. Rush kid A to school. Kid B pukes in car on the way to Dr. After appt., clean up Kid B's puke. Spend the rest of the morning cleaning the house, unloading dishwasher, laundry, fielding phonecalls, and booking plumbing appt. because the toilet broke again. This is all done in between cleaning up Kid B's vomit and diarrhea and giving him the love he needs.
    Now it's 2:15 and Kid A needs to be picked up from school and taken to his soccer game. Try to pay attention to the soccer game, but Kid B is whining, cell phone is ringing because hubby needs his dry cleaning and prescriptions picked up. After soccer game, you pick up cleaning and prescriptions with 2 kids in tow. Then you realize you need food for dinner tonight, so you schlep the kids to the grocery store.
    Now it's 4 p.m. and Kid A needs help with his pile of homework. You help with pre-algebra, English and Modern Philosophy all while cooking a meatloaf.
    Now it's 6 p.m. Your family eats dinner while you deal with Kid B. You wolf down dinner before prodding Kid A in the shower, and BTW, it looks like he may be getting the stomach flu now. After kids are in bed, you put dishes in the dishwasher and balance family finances and catch up on correspondence. It's now 10 p.m.
    Do I think after a day like this a mom is entitled to ask for a little help?
    FYI -- I work fulltime now, but was a SAHM for a few years. A stressful day at the office is a cakewalk compared to some days of SAHMs!
    And sex before bed? Really?!?