A Grim Rant on the First Trimester of My Second Pregnancy

11 weeks- baby is lime-sized

I'm so thankful it's over. I'm so thankful that I kept my cool...for the most part. Or maybe I just won't tell you about the time where I wanted to strangle the well-meaning employee at Chipotle for forgetting to put my side order of guacamole, (the only food I could eat that night) into my take-out order and only discovered it after my husband arrived home with our meal. Speaking of food, did you know that in some rare, desperate cases some local restaurants will deliver food to your home even though they don't regularly deliver their food? Thank you MJ's Cafe. You saved my life a few times. (And they even brought me extra pickles God bless their souls) There were many times where I felt like a failure as a mother, spending my days with my son in front of the TV watching endless amounts of movies instead of our normal social or creative activities and feeding him more convenience foods rather than our usual healthy choices. He sometimes ate Ramen Noodles with me. I may as well have measured out one cup of salt and poured it into some boiling water with some noodles because that's exactly what those "foods" consist of.  I was a poster mom of what NOT to do with your child when you stay home.

belli kisses

 I was so constantly nauseous, (it's not morning sickness, it's 24 hour sickness) that I couldn't eat much and what I could eat wasn't sustaining me.  Cooking, the thought of cooking, and any cooking smells in the house make my gag reflex swing into full action.  I lived on Honey Nut Cheerios, grapes, and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. So really just loads of processed sugar and maybe some nuts and berries like a savage in the wilderness. I couldn't eat any of my normal, healthy foods that make me feel good. It was an ugly cycle of bad food, leading to extremely low energy, many couch days, lost social outlets, and sleepless nights due to hunger. There were weeks at a time where I didn't leave my house and when people did not show any understanding as to why we missed a holiday event, I was left dumbfounded at their lack of empathy.

Vegetarian minestrone for a quiet Thanksgiving at home

 I wasn't surprised when extreme bouts of depression and anxiety started seeping through the cracks of my mind causing me to feel like I wasn't going to be able to handle keeping it together for my one child, and the thought of another on the way seemed like an insurmountable feat. The, "What did I do?" (completely untrue to my heart's desires) types of thoughts were there. There was lots of late night grocery store runs for my husband because being inside a grocery store with all of it's food smells made me want to hurl. He was doing double duties at home while I lay on the couch in nauseous but hungry pains popping Zofran like they were Skittles. My sweet little son at only 2 and a half years old caught on quick to the drastic change in me. "Mommy, come to the store. Please? It's not scary mommy. Come on!" GUILT. "I'm sorry baby, Mommy doesn't feel good right now. I need to rest,"  I would say. The few times I would leave the couch after my husband was home for the night, Aiden would automatically go get me a pillow, my blanket and my trusty pack of Saltines so they would be nearby. It was the sweetest thing, but again made me feel extremely guilty that he felt the need to help me. I should be helping him, he's the child. Once during a difficult car ride out of town my husband told me that when I got out of the car to use the restroom, Aiden looked at him sadly shaking his head saying, "Mommy is sad, Mommy is not good." That one really killed me. I always tried to hide it as best as I could, but as I always knew and even experienced myself as a child-kids know. They are like miniature, mind-x-ray machines and they always know when you are putting up a front. Hopefully he's young enough to forget the three months I was practically an absent mother. There were however a few...shall I emphasize, FEW times that family and friends were available to help which was really nice. One time a good friend offered to take Aiden on a field trip to a wildlife museum for the whole day with her, ah-em THREE other children under three years old. SHE.IS.A.SUPERMOM. and I will forever be grateful for her kindness that day. I am also very grateful to my husband who never, ever gave me a hard time for being difficult, (like I could help it, see how easily you operate when you can't eat and feel like you're about to hurl 24/7), for having the patience of a saint, and for all the extra things he did to make me as comfortable as possible. I will forever be grateful to you my love.
Like any rough patch in life, it's those closest to you who carry you through. Thank you, I am overjoyed that part is over. I'm going to go eat my three course dinner now because I am so happy I can :)

He learned to make lasagna 

Living

Aiden and his cousin on a hike

The other day, a good friend called me up for a chat. She too is a SAHM of a beautiful little 10 month old girl. We got on the subject of making this SAHM-life more memorable with our children and I found myself solidifying some of my own thoughts in my mind as I helped her know the importance of a schedule in my own life and how it has helped me.

Sometimes as a SAHM, it is easy to fall into the black hole of never ending housework, cooking and errands that all are a part of everyday life. It is really easy to fall into a routine of making these not so fun tasks a bigger priority than they really need to be and forgetting that your child is not your sidekick but really the star of the show. I mean, who has earned you the title of the stay at home mommy anyway? So you want the dishes done in the morning before you head out to the park. Or just throw in one load of laundry before I make breakfast. What about my hair? Hmmmmm it would sure look nicer in here if I just made that bed or cleaned up those toys before we head out. Before you know it it's 11:30am, you are still in your pj's and you feel like you haven't even played with your child yet let alone even left the house. I used to have a lot of times like these especially in my son's early months, (0-5 mo.) If you have anal, type A tendencies like myself you know exactly what I am talking about. Or if you tend to fall under the more free-spirited type B personality traits, well then you just think I am a major nut-job. Too many times I have fallen into this trap that makes staying at home a lot less fun and productive than it can be. At times, it can even make you feel like you are so over being a SAHM and you are ready to go back to work! It can also make you wonder, how in the world has that other stay at home mommy of 5 kids made this her whole life for the past 15 years and seemed to LIKE it? If you feel this way more often than not, in my opinion it means you are missing the point of being a stay at home mommy.

creating a masterpiece!

A while back I had come to a point where I had started to feel this way despite the fact that all throughout my life, (pre-marriage) I had imagined how happy I would be when I was married and staying at home with my babies. My sweet husband even saw it. "Don't worry about having a perfect house" he'd say. "Focus more on our son, it's why you are at home after all." As with any job, this one had it's challenging times. The beauty of this job though is that YOU are the boss. YOU are in control of how your days are spent. I've learned that spending them obsessively cleaning my house, doing load after load of laundry and cooking a big meal every single night was NOT the way to go. When I focused too much on the boring stuff, I felt like my days just slipped away from me without many special memories of playing with my son. I realized that I needed to do more living and less of the robotic, everyday chores that make SAHM's return to work too quickly before they've even given this life a fair chance. 

I learned that for us, in our household we needed a schedule. I learned that being the list maker that I am I needed to write it down so that I would actually stick to it. I realized that once my baby was in my mind old enough, (6 months) to get something out of playgroups, library story time, music class, baby gymnastics, ect. that we needed those too. I realized that a mommy support group would be nice too so I joined MOPS and another local mother's club in my city. Suddenly life at home got much more fun and I wasn't focusing as much on the house chores but the memories made inside that house, making connections within a mommy community, and doing activities that were purely child-centered. Once you focus on making memories with your child and truly living, your time at home together will start to become more quality time over quantity. 

throwing rocks in the creek

Here is a glimpse of what "schedule" means to us. Our schedule often changes though for extreme weather or tantrums :), illness, the luxury of changing our minds, or simply "not feeling it today" :) So maybe instead of a schedule, we should call it our weekly goals. I will record it here for a few reasons, 1) To remind myself that sticking with the child-centered activities truly makes my son and I happier, 2) To remember myself what it IS that we do here all week :) and 3) As a tool to educate all my single friends on, "What exactly do you do all day Laura?" when they inquire about my life as a SAHM. :)
How do you spend your time as a SAHM? What are some activities that you enjoy doing with your children?
Leave your comment below with your email. The most creative idea will win a $5 Starbucks giftcard!

Mondays- am- baking project

                       park/outside

                       lunch/nap (house chores, dinner prep)

                 pm- snack/park/free play/read books 

Tuesday-  am- art/music/baby gymnastics

                       lunch/nap

                 pm- park playdate, free play, books or mommy gym-time

Wednesday- am- playdate/run errands

                           park

                          lunch/nap

                     pm- art/free play/books

Thursday-   am- MOPS or Library Storytime

                           lunch/nap

                    pm- snack/park/playdate/books

Friday-        am- playgroup 

                           lunch/nap

                    pm- free play/park/books and or art        

*Free play = mama's doing housework! :) 

Aiden and his cousin decorating birthday cupcakes

Stir-Crazy Red Velvet Cupcakes

It is naptime. Aaaaahhhhh the most blissful time of the day. The time where I get to enjoy all my favorite indulgences like curling up with a good novel, some Hagen Daaz, all while wrapped in my $100 faux fur and velvet Potterybarn blanket, (my favorite wedding gift by far from my posh Texan aunt) which only comes out when baby isn't around to slime it with his cute grubby little fingers.
Today I am blog-stalking, you know as in checking out the competition. Making sure I'm still as interesting as all the other 15 gazillion mommy bloggers out there. :) Then, I come across THE recipe! Red velvet cupcakes for her little daughters 5th birthday...Mmmmmm sounds sooooo good, especially since I not only worked out hard this morning at the gym, but also am trying to incorporate some vegetarian meals into my diet which means I had a vegetarian wrap for lunch. (See my brain is wired to think that meat must be a part of EVERY meal- working on changing this!) Anywhoo, I don't know if it was the lack of smoked turkey in my lunch today or the fact that I'm going on 5 days of being cooped up in the house with a sick toddler who desperately wants to go to the park every single minute of the day...every. single. minute...
But those red velvet cupcakes looked soooooo delish and I suddenly had this uncontrollable urge to make them! Before you could say, "stir crazy!" I found myself in the kitchen pouring a little bit of this and some of that, flour flying and buttermilk splashing into pure, uninterrupted confectionary creating bliss!
So what if I didn't get around to cooking dinner today? What laundry? And WHO needs me to call them back for the 3rd time!? Forget it! This was waaaay more fun! :)

Stir-Crazy Red Velvet Cupcakes
(With cinnamon cream cheese frosting)-i die!

1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, softened
1-1/2 cups granulated sugar
2 eggs
1/4 cup natural unsweetened cocoa
1 tablespoon of Wilton pink gel food coloring
1 teaspoon salt
2 1/4 cup cake flour
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup buttermilk
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 tablespoon white vinegar

Ingredients for the frosting:

1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, softened
12 ounces cream cheese, at room temperature
1/4 cup sour cream (not light)
1 tablespoon vanilla extract

2-3 cups sifted powdered sugar

1 tablespoon Wilton pink gel food coloring

Directions for the cupcakes:

Set the oven rack in the middle of the oven and preheat to 350 F.

In the bowl of the stand mixer, cream the butter and the sugar.

Add the eggs, one at a time, mixing after each.

In the small bowl, stir the cocoa, and food color to make a smooth paste. Add this mixture to the egg mixture and mix until the color is consistent throughout the batter.

Add the buttermilk, vanilla, salt, and cake flour. Mix until the dry ingredients are fully incorporated. Add the baking soda and vinegar and stir gently. The mixture will bubble and froth a bit.

Pour immediately into the prepared cupcakes pans with paper baking cups.

Bake in preheated oven for 13-18 minutes, until a toothpick comes out clean and the center springs back when gently depressed. Remove from oven and cool in the pans on a wire rack for 10 minutes.

Directions for the frosting:

Cream the butter, cream cheese, sour cream, cinnamon and vanilla together until fluffy. Gradually mix in the powdered sugar, starting with 2 cups. Continue adding more sugar 1/4 cup at a time until you have the desired flavor and texture. Add food coloring, start with half a tablespoon and then add more till you have your desired shade of red.

Frost those little cakes and hope that you have time to eat one before your baby wakes up! :)

Enjoy!!!

A Pregnant Tale

When I was pregnant, I was a gyspy wife. I lived in three different cities throughout the duration of my pregnancy. This was due to my husband's job and our quest to find the perfect house during that time. This meant no job for me and lots of spare time simply marinating in all my unrealistic visions of what motherhood would be like. This also meant we were low on the green stuff so I made sure I was resourceful in buying some of my maternity clothes. This lead me to Craigslist, which then lead us to this Vietnamese lady's house one rainy Tuesday night in November. She had used maternity clothes to sell and I was hopefully going to score a great deal. Turned out she didn't have the greatest fashion sense so I ended up only purchasing 3 blah items from her that I ended up only wearing at home and only in front of the cat.
The whole time I was rummaging through her boxes of clothing, we chatted about her baby. "So, is he sleeping now?" I asked seeing no signs of a baby anywhere.  "Oh YES! THANK GOD!" she exclaimed. Sheesh, I thought a little TOO excited her precious angel is asleep I thought not realizing how tired she must be. "You have boy or girl?" she asked. "Boy, " I replied. "OH I PRAY for you, I PRAY for you!" she said dramatically making the sign of the cross like a hard-core Catholic. And then she went on in her broken English "When I first have baby, we come home from hospital and baby don't sleep ALL NIGHT!!! Oh I was SO TIRED and sick!" Well yeah, I thought babies do that right?  " I say to my husband, let's take him BACK to hospital! We take him back" she said with a desperate gleam in her eyes that made me realize she was serious at the time. Oh my gosh, I rolled my eyes at my husband who was trying hard not to laugh. It was hilarious to me but even more so I was so shocked that someone would spill their new mommy wacked-out hormonal thoughts with a complete stranger. (She's the perfect candidate to be a mommy blogger for sure!) She went on, "We take him back, but then I think: there's only ONE PROBLEM..." pausing with the most serious expression I have ever seen from someone contemplating such lunacy, "I HAVE BABY SHOWER! EVERYONE KNOW I HAVE BABY!!!" By this time my husband and I were doing everything we could to keep from rolling on her hardwood floor from laughter! WOW she was really serious! She wasn't messing around!
For the rest of the night we acted out the story, (accent and all) with each other and told our friends. "ONLY ONE PROBLEM...I have baby shower! Everyone know I have baby!" We went on and on and laughed until our cheeks hurt.
It wasn't until one week into Aiden's life at 3am after not sleeping AT ALL since he had been born that I truly understood the meaning of the new mommy wacked-out hormonal thoughts and how they can happen to anyone as I seriously thought about asking my mother in law to move in with us for the first month or so. :) Sure, my thought wasn't as irrational as truly contemplating taking my baby back to the hospital...but it was pretty close! :)
What were some of YOUR most hormonal moments during those first few crazy weeks? I want ALL the dirt! :)

Aiden at around 4 days old

On Not Having Cable, (or any) Television

"We don't have t.v. " I say when someone asks if I've seen the most recent episode of The Bachelor or any other show.  "What?" They reply, "How do you LIVE!!??" "Very well thank you..." I reply.
Now don't get me wrong, we do own an actual TV.  It's one I bought when silver was the "in" color back in 2003 after landing my first real job after college graduation. And although I would LOVE to own a big, fancy LED Sony 62 inch, our TV works just fine when we decide to pop in a movie after Aiden has gone to bed. We have a Blockbuster membership, (Been meaning to do Netflix but the cashier at Blockbuster is just too cute to give up! Haha!) We probably watch maybe one movie a week and then when the only TV shows I care about are in season, ("Parenthood", "Kate Plus 8" and "19 Kids and Counting") we watch that online at Hulu from the wi- fi that our most generous neighbors unknowingly supply us with :) Every now and then when I want a real brain cell killing fix I'll tune into "The Hills" (strictly for fashion updates) or "Teen Mom" (When I am having a bad day and am questioning my stellar parenting abilities) :)
Most evenings after hubby arrives home from his long day at work we eat dinner as a family, go on walks, go to downtown farmer's markets, meet new neighbors at our park across the street, listen to Aiden's music and sing with him, have friends over to BBQ, get house projects done,  and just...well...talk and play with our baby. Now that I've got my piano moved back into our house I predict lots of piano playing as my alone time in the evenings or even some super- cheesy family sing-a-longs!  It's peaceful and mind clearing not to have the sound of the 5 O'clock news droning on and on in the background informing us of all the things that are wrong with the world. We read about it online and that's enough. NPR radio shows provide much to ponder as well. When we used to have cable, I feel like we would spend our evenings consumed by it, starring at it like zombies and not being in the moment of our life.  (I almost never turned it on during the day though unless I was sick on the couch) I feel like we missed out on sharing more of our thoughts, coming up with new ideas, being outside in nature, having the mental space to be creative and exercise our talents for ourselves and with Aiden. Life is short and you don't truly realize this until you have watched a child of your own grow into their first year. I am afraid of missing out on the poignant memories of our baby laughing and rolling around on the floor with his Daddy because I may have spent too much time in front of the TV throughout his early years. When we first rid ourselves of the brain-cell killing device, (oops I mean cable) it was a little quiet and felt a bit lonely in the house but after a week or so we had adapted and came up with new, more interactive ways of living that truly make each one of us more alive and happy. I think having cable can be great and I'm sure we will have it again someday, but by doing without it for a while, (So far over a year) I hope that when it enters our life again we can learn how not to get so addicted to it like a lot of people out there. I hope we will create our own stories instead of watching the scripted ones of the actors.
What are some family activities you enjoy? I am always looking for new and creative ideas for spending quality time together.

He Said, She Said...

I am part of a mother's group here in the bay area and usually receive daily emails about events in town, updates about playgroups, people selling used baby gear,  an occasional rant...ect. Well today I received a juicy little rant that I thought would be PERFECT to share anonymously on my blog just to start a discussion about the age old question geared towards all the stay at home moms and working dads/husbands. This clearly frustrated mommy writes:

"I was wondering what your husbands do around the house.  Do they ever wash a dish? Do a chore? Laundry? Anything?
Call me crazy, but I think my husband should be able to do something.  He thinks it is ALL my responsibility.
Trying to get some input..."

What do you think mamas? What about you husbands? Any husbands got something to say about this?
Leave your comments below. THIS will be GOOD! :) 

Over the Past 7 days I have...

Welcomed a dear friend's beautiful new baby girl into the world
Snuggled and kissed the chubby cheeks my little Aiden for an hour in bed one morning
Discovered a new trail near our house with a babbling brook and an awesome view of Mt.Diablo

Listened to some live Jazz at the farmer's market and danced in the street with my baby in his sling
Created my own version of minestrone soup with fresh basil from my garden on a cold, windy day
Met a potential new friend at the park
Laughed at Aiden's little bent- leg dancing moves

Felt a horrible ache in my heart as I considered having to wean Aiden this week due to his sleep-biting habit
Watched his curious, puzzled eyes follow a bug on the carpet for 3 very entertaining minutes
Painted a canvas bag with Aiden complete with his handprints and footprints

Discovered a "petting farm" 2 minutes down the road from out house and took my baby to meet the animals. The baby chicks were his favorite.
Listened to his little "chipmunk laugh" in the car all the way home from the store wishing I could bottle it up and listen to it forever
Sang many songs and watched him try to master the hand motions to "Itsy Bitsy Spider"
Ate piles and piles of fresh, vibrant strawberries with my baby and let him smear the juice in his hair
Felt my heart skip a beat when he said two new words this week, "Nite nite" and "Nanna"
Bought Aiden his first Baby Bible for under $5!!!
Rejoiced, as we conquered the battle of the breast-biting and stumbled into a deeper connection and the perfect solution so that we may continue to nurse in bliss
Made my baby his favorite oat and banana cereal bars and watched him clap his hands in excitement before receiving one
Considered shaving my head
Introduced him to his new froggie potty. They're not friends just yet :)
Gave Aiden his first waverunner ride

Taught him how to strum a guitar and watched his joy as he did it
Peeked through the crib into his bed to hear his little content sigh
Felt the grass between my toes
Giggled as Aiden discovered that his playmate has a bellybutton too
Swung on the park swings with my baby on my lap soaking up every giggle
Splashed in the tub as he drove his boat all around
Spent waaaaay too much money on local fruit and awesome natural foods
Found the perfect dress at the perfect price
Watched him drum the drum to his dancing songs
Washed blue paint from between his toes
Started writing my birth story-finally!
Scored a new stroller in a better color

Loved the misty eyes my husband got while watching a father/son shaving scene in a movie
Chased around the house while clutching the laptop from my husband as he was saying, "You better not post THAT!" :)
Realized again how very blessed our little family is

Behind the Blog

This newest section of the blog will just be some funny mommy to mommy notes that I have received on anything related to the blog postings that we discuss, posted here just for your entertainment. :) (I will ask your permission and change your name before posting.) 

I thought this one was hilarious! 

Laura,

So, I'm not going to lie, I think cloth diapers are ‘flippin gross, do not waste one second of your time trying to change my mind, but to each her own.

Laura meet Jill, Jill meet Laura. Jill wants to start using cloth diapers. Laura is an expert on these gross little textile poo receptacles. Jill is looking for a good type to try. Laura, please fill her in. Jill, Laura is a natural mother guru. Jill go follow her blog. Laura, Jill is a total green thumb and growing her own garden, she can give you tips on yours.

To make myself feel better about my kids eating pesticide laced veggies and guzzling soy formula by the ounce from latex bottles, keep in mind that while you guys are busy being super star holistic moms, I am relentlessly pursuing my quest to be the biggest skinny bitch in the world. I just squeezed my ass into a size 26…and hopefully made you girls laugh.

Also – this month’s book is ‘The Heart of the Matter’ by Emily Giffin. Go Get It.

xoxo

Roxy

Hello, My Name is Laura and I Am a Clothoholic

Hello, my name is Laura. I am a clothoholic. I am in LOVE with cloth diapers. So much that I make sure to match the diaper color to Aiden's outfit for that day. But never match the dominant color, you match the lesser dominant color with the diaper if you really want to be hip, you know to offset it. Like painting an accent wall in your house. Well,  I accent his outfit with the appropriate color because that is exactly how big of an addict I am. And my baby will have the cutest bum around that's for sure!
I also faithfully suscribe to the Cloth Diaper Whisperer blog which is a wonderful tutorial for entering the world of cloth. They have fantastic giveaways every Friday where you can enter to win free diapers and stuff. They also have a contest every month where you send in a creative photo of your baby in their cloth, or "fluff" as it's called for more chances to win free diapers. Then they make these adorable videos of all the contestants with these tear-jerking mother-love baby songs in that backround and... omg then I just loose it when I see all the cute babies saving the Earth one cute, fluffy bottom at a time. (I know, this is getting really freaky but bear with me it's late and well I'm a woman.)
About once a week I visit my favorite cloth diaper store, Kelly's Closet just to see if there's any new cloth diaper or accessory that I don't already have or maybe a new diaper is out that I don't even know about. This week the "need" is a swim diaper. (Aiden's swim class starts in June!) Oh and a travel wetbag so I can finally start using cloth when we're out and about during the day. (I usually cheat when away from home doing errands and use disposables) But no more, no I'm going all the way now baby! I'm taking the plunge into true-hippie-mama-hood. Never again will I purchase another bag of toxic, chemical-laden plastic nasties disposable diapers which by the way are seriously polluting our Earth. I will be using cloth even when we go on a quick trip to Target and his diaper unexpectedly needs a 'changin! I'll just pull out my handy-dandy wet bag and dispose of the soiled diaper there and put a fresh, new cloth diaper on him. Wa-la! (A wet-bag is a waterproof, anti-bacterial, odor-proof bag which fully seals shut for storing soiled cloth diapers in until you get home) They are also great for storing wet swimsuits in and other nasty, soiled baby-messed clothing. :)
Traveling with cloth is not all that bad. As long as your host has a washer and dryer, (and you ask in advance if they are ok with you washing your diapers in their machine making sure to explain that the poopy ones get throughly washed out before going into the washing machine.) Unless it's your cloth diaper-phobic friend from college who freaks out at the thought of something once poopy going into her washer. Even though her baby poops on her clothes all the time because disposables LEAK! In this case just bring a few Kushies Flushable Liners along to use in your diapers when you anticipate a poop from your little one. These are great to use when on the go and you just flush them away in the toilet just like toilet paper. It's very do-able and very nice to know how much money you are saving by using re-usable cloth diapers, even when traveling. And now since I've saved so much money using cloth, maybe I'll join you at the mall my friend and buy myself a new dress :)

10 Things Mommy's REALLY Want for Mother's Day

1) A massage from YOU hubby. And no not a 5 minute, one-handed massage ending with you falling asleep.
2) A cute sterling silver necklace with MOM on it, maybe with baby's birthstone, maybe not.
3) Two blissful, uninterrupted hours to read my book while sunbathing in our backyard. An icy, fruity drink with the little paper umbrella earns major bonus points.
4) A day without poop. Dirty diaper? YOUR turn hubby!
5) A through cleaning of my plantation shutters, (which I have been meaning to clean since the day we moved in over a year ago) by someone who is NOT ME!
6) The classic, heart-melting homemade card by Aiden himself :) (More bonus points for a special message written by him too)
7) A hike by the ocean with my favorite lunch, again NOT packed by me :)
8) Time to go see the new Babies movie with the girls :)
9) Let me sleep in an extra hour while you take kid duty
10) A big, slobbery kiss from my beautiful baby

What are some things YOU want for Mother's DAy?

You Know You are In Love...

With your baby when you spend 24/7 with him, you've just spent the last hour and a half holding him while he sleeps, you put him down in the crib for the night, and 5 minutes later you are smelling his little jacket left on the couch because you desperately miss him. You contemplate going back to his room, picking him up and holding him for a little longer before putting him down again for the night. But then you realize that this would make you slightly insane since all you do all day is eat, sleep and breathe this little angel and have zero time for a thought of your own to enter your mind. You realize that you are only human and need a break every once in a while...So you stay put. But you miss your baby.

Hands OFF!!!

The other day I walked to Walgreen's as we often do for some supplies. While waiting in line at the checkout counter, some random lady turned around and playfully pinched Aiden's cheek and said, "Oh you are so cute baby, cootchie chootchie coo..." I immediately pulled the stroller back towards me and shooed her germy had away from my child's cheek! Most people know it is just not polite to touch a stranger's baby. You just don't go there. For many reasons that I shouldn't even have to explain.  I told her, " Please don't touch my baby" in the nicest tone I could muster up through all my fury. :) I was shocked that someone would think it's a good idea to touch someone else's baby with all the concern of germs out there, SWINE FLU scare, not knowing where her crusty old hands have been and just out of respect for a stranger's personal space-no matter how old they are.
She looked at me shocked after shooing her hand away and proceeded to...DO IT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She brushed her hand to his cheek AGAIN!!!!! After I JUST ASKED HER NOT TOO!!!!!!!! OH MY GOODNESS THE NERVE!!!!!!!! ARE you kidding me? Now I was furious! My mommy-instinct paired with crazy hormones went off! An instant rush of adrenaline RUSHED furiously through my body and for the first time in my life I felt like I wanted to take someone DOWN! I felt that I  had enough adrenaline in me that I could karate-chop her face with my hands 5 times before throwing her across the store. And she had NO IDEA the boundry she had crossed. She obviously had no idea how retarded she was. So I took a deep breath and replied in a much louder, more firm voice, " DO NOT TOUCH MY BABY!!!!" And then she said, "Why not? "
OMG!!!????? I said, "I do NOT owe YOU an explanation!" and walked away. She was just too dumb to even waste my breath on.
When it was my turn to check out the cashier gave me an understanding smile, handed me some hand sanitizer and said, " Some people just don't know." She's right, some people just don't know. But now hopefully one person will think twice about it later on.

10 Reasons Why I Love Being Aiden's Mommy

1. He is constantly entertaining me. From crawling through furniture tunnels to moving his head from side to side during a song, this little guy is hilarious! 
2. He eats just about anything I put in front of him except alvacados! 
3. He gets a big, toothy grin on command. All I have to do is look at him and smile and there it is! 
4. His kisses are so slobbery and yummy!
5. He huummms along with my singing in the car
6. He makes the cutest motorboat sound when he's content
7. He enjoys shopping with me and trys to talk to everyone around him
8. He loves his Daddy and gets so excited to see him when he arrives home from work. He greets him with, "Dada! Dada! Da Da Da!"
9. He laughs so fast and excitedly when I get ready to nurse him
10. When he falls asleep in my arms, I get so relaxed looking at his prefect little face

What They Don't Tell You About Motherhood, But Leave It to Me-I Will!

Creating a new life is, in my opinion the most beautiful side of love you will ever experience on this earth. It is unconditional, pure, and runs deeper than you could ever imagine until you are blessed with your own. For the first 2 weeks of Aiden's life my head was in the clouds, just crazy in love with him. If he opened his eyes and looked at me I melted. If he made a poopie in his diaper I praised him 'till no end! If he made a babble noise such as, "aing" I swore he must be gifted. I mean really, how many newborns can say, "aing" when they are hungry? (Turns out a lot) :) But despite all the happiness that your baby will bring to your life, there will also be some really ugly, nitty-gritty things we must endure in order to enjoy our new bundle of joy. Things that your sweet old grandmother would probably never dare speak of, let alone blog about for the masses to read. Well move over grandma-I'm here to fill you in on all the bits and pieces all those flowery, pink pregnancy books leave out. 

1) No one could ever really put into words the PAIN you will endure should you choose to have a natural birth like I did. They can try, but of all the things I read nothing could have prepared me for the pain that felt like I was going to die. I also was never aware of the power of my mind and prayer. These were my saving graces throughout my labor. If I didn't have God on my side, I would have been screwed! I have been transformed into a much stronger person now because I trusted my body to do it's thing naturally and brought a perfect and beautiful life into this world. If that's not empowerment than I don't know what is.

2) Think PMS is an emotional time? HA! Right after I gave birth my emotions went off the charts! Think: body torn apart in pain, new baby screaming in your ear, nurses entering in your hospital room 25 times a day asking you millions of stupid questions such as, "Do you ever feel the urge to shake your baby?" (No but I'd like to shake YOU nurse), filling out endless paperwork, relatives bustling about loudly as you try to nurse, zero sleep, crappy food, the overwhelming-ness of your new responsibility and all while you are trying to enjoy your new baby. That's enough to make anyone crazy!

3) I've wanted a baby since I was a baby myself at three years old. Dolls were my only toy interest growing up and as soon as I was old enough to baby-sit I was banging on the neighbors doors handing out babysitting fliers to notify them of my services. I earned my BA in Child Development and went on to teach pre-k for a few years before I had Aiden. My whole life I have felt super-confident and knowledgeable in the area of children. I've even been reading Parents magazine since I was 8 years old as it randomly started showing up in our mailbox. But-even with all this under my belt, nothing could prepare me for the challenges of my new baby. Why? Because this one's MINE. Not Betsy's little boy down the street, MINE. If I messed up with him, his mommy would be there to fix it. Now it is all on my shoulders. I never thought I'd be referring to What To Expect The First Year as much as I did the first 2 months. I never thought I'd stay awake all night the first 2 nights just to make sure he was breathing due to my fear of SIDS. I never thought I'd actually have thoughts of, " Oh my God, what did I do? Can I really handle this baby? Can I really do this?" In the midst of my worst, sleep-deprived weeks of Aiden's life, my thoughts just added to the stress. Overcoming them came with time of course.

4) Of all the books I read about pregnancy, none of them said that your vagina may get so traumatized that you may loose all bladder control and end up wearing Depends for the first month of your baby's life. Or that when you got up out of your hospital bed for the first time after giving birth that your bladder may empty itself uncontrollably all over the floor and into the hallway right under your food cart. No one ever told me that. Or what about the time when I got up to change my newborn baby's first blowout and I ended up having one of my own, (pee) all over your kitchen floor. Who's mess do you clean up first? :) I just had to laugh though the tears during that one.

5) Although breastfeeding came naturally for Aiden and I, there was nothing natural about all the pain that came with it. The last thing you need when your vagina has been torn open and you are still healing from that pain, is the additional pain of sore, cracked bleeding nipples. And most women only have this problem for, oh about the first 2 weeks. Mine happened to last 2 MONTHS. It was breastfeeding HELL.  Sure it was a lovely bonding experience but the PAIN! But being my stubborn, determined to do what's best for Aiden type of mommy I kept on and by the 3rd month on our way up to our Tahoe vacation I remember telling my husband how I just realized that I wasn't in pain anymore when I nursed Aiden and it was becoming so much more enjoyable. And that now that I've had to endure so much to get to that point, I was never stopping. He'll have my tit until he leaves for college if he wants! :) My husband said that maybe it was designed that way so that when the pain is over you have a true respect and appreciation for breastfeeding and the bond it created between you and your child. And I agreed.

6) All throughout my pregnancy both sides of our family were just over the moon about their soon to be grandchild. They promised that they would always be there to help when the need arose and that they were soooooo glad that we moved back to California from Wyoming so that they could see their precious baby often. Then Aiden came and thankfully they all were here at my home helping me with him and all the tasks from our recent move-in of only 2 weeks prior to his birth.
But then, Tim had his first business trip since baby was born and I was a little scared to be here alone. No one showed up. And then...Aiden had his first illness complete with vomiting and...no one showed up. And THEN...we all got sick, all THREE of us at the same time and guess what? No one showed up.
Suddenly our families had new priorities. And we started hearing that an hour and a half is a really long drive. REALLY? Longer than from here to WYOMING!!!??? Ok, sigh. I guess the novelty wore out.

7) I never dreamed I would become one of THOSE moms. You know, the granola-chomping, baby-wearing, nursing in public without a blanket, (and there is a good reason for that-future blog posting) crazy-arse hippie moms who thought it was actually FUN to line -dry her baby's cloth diapers. The ones who sometimes address their baby as," lover" and have nothing more to talk about than the color of their baby's poop that day or what is the correct way to steam squash for their home-made baby food. The ones who you wonder if they ever leave the house or catch the news every once in a while? Well here I am. I'm pretty much that mom except for I do manage to leave the house daily, wear make-up, (occasionally) and I still have an opinion about Obama's health care plan. :) I love my new role as Aiden's mommy. I love that I almost loose my whole self to it right now. Someday I will work outside the home again, someday I will sing in a choir again, join a book club and so on...but for now I am much more interested in soaking up all of his giggles and kisses that I can. Because he won't be this perfect forever I do know that!

8) I fought the long hair, and short hair won. Men would tell me, "But long hair on moms is so hot..." Oh really? And so are you going to send over Ken Paves everyday to give me a blowout because I simply don't have the time or energy to do it myself! For the first 7 and 1/2 months I fought the urge to cut my hair. It's my, "long, golden hair..." It will keep me looking like a young mom...blah blah blah...
All it ended up being was a pain in my rear. And so I chopped it. And I love it. And so does Aiden because now I have a few extra minutes to spend with him rather than with my mirror.

9) I didn't realize how drastically my circle of friends would change. How people without kids wouldn't understand when you simply couldn't make a 100% commitment to a night out or why you don't spend time on the phone anymore. My new phrase it that it's ,"Baby-dependant" whether or not I show up. I also didn't realize how I'd even drift from those fellow mommies who didn't share the same parenting beliefs as I do and how much that really would matter to me. I find myself surrounding myself with other mommies who love what they do as much as I do and who just like me think that my kid is spectacular :)

10) I didn't even know that I'd fall even more in love with my husband than I ever thought possible. Something about seeing him cuddling our son while singing the Caterpillar song at 2 am makes me want to rip all his clothes off :) I also never imagined I would smile and laugh as much as I do now on a daily basis. It's beautiful and I am already planning on baby #2!

A babe in the house is a well-spring of pleasure, a messenger of peace and love, a resting place for innocence on earth, a link between angels and men. -Martin Fraquhar Tupper